Reconstructing Kelly

I have been horrid about blogging. I need to though because not that many people know I have a blog, so I can just get my feelings out.

This morning, I read a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt that goes like this, "Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else."

Hmmmm....makes you think. Made me think, "Am I being a good friend to myself? Am I helping myself get healthy?" Not really. Why can I cheer other people on but not myself? So, here goes. I am going to use this space to cheer myself on. If that means writing down on here what I eat each and every day so that I am not overeating, then so be it. If people don't want to read about it, then they can go elsewhere. But this will be a place where I can reconstruct myself. The good, the bad, & the very ugly I am sure will come out here. I don't care what other people think as long as I am becoming a friend to myself.

Do I honestly want to get up off my quarter pounder sized butt and exercise this morning? No freaking way! Am I going to? Yes, even if I have to whine and cry all the way to Curves. I know I will be much happier after I am all coated in that God awful thing you call sweat. I know, women "perspire." I say hell no! I sweat darn it! I am woman, hear me roar!!! I say that as I struggle to gulp down my chalk tasting protein shake and banana. I can already feel the slime coating my tongue, ugh!!!

Ok, nasty hair that needs to sooo be colored and cut (I seriously look like a zebra right now), you are getting slapped up into a messy ponytail (thank the Lord messy is in). I know, you were in that state ysterday as well, but it is summer vacay, so deal with it. Why am I talking to my hair? Lord, I am losing it!

The Year of the Girls 2010

Over the last year, a few of my high school & college girlfriends and I have gotten back in touch via that wonderland called Facebook. We are all in need of someone to hold us accountable to our own personal fitness/weightloss goals. These girls have become my rocks, prayer warriors, go to gals when I am blue or just someone who will listen to me without judging. I love them to pieces and wish I lived closer to them all.

Sheri & Jamye~Thank you for being there daily to cheer each other on, for understanding our stuggles & continuously praying for God to work in all of our lives for the better.

Rhonda & Jen~You are my "IT" girls. This is the year of the girls and I thank you for being there from the beginning and for this renewed friendship we have. We are all different, yet so alike in many ways. I embrace it all!

I have never been able to lose weight on my own and I thank God for bringing each and every one of you into my life to stand by me in the good and the bad. Because of your strength, I am stronger. I am down 7 pounds in my fight to find myself. I know there are many bad days to still come, but the light at the end of the tunnel is looking brighter every day.

Cheers to the year of the girls!!!!!

The Sloth Emerges

I haven't exercised...in days...no, in weeks. Why is this you ask? What is my excuse? I have had an entire 2 weeks off for Christmas vacation and now a whole week of snow days. You think that would have motivated me to get off my fat butt and move. No, I have become a sloth. A sloth living in hibernation. Today, the sloth has awoken from her midwinter's sleep and a new day has begun. My elliptical kept calling to me, "Kelly? Where are you? Come visit me. I am sooo lonely in here. It is just me and the dust bunnies and they are no longer fun to party with!"It was hard, but I pulled myself off the couch and facebook, broke out of the darkness and into the light of my bedroom, plugged in the Ipod and cruised. 35 minutes is not bad for a first time back. I tell you, it was nice to visit an old friend. I promised it I would return again soon. I felt like a caterpillar emerging from the cocoon and becoming a butterfly...ok, a sweaty butterfly, but who cares? I did it!

Good news is sometimes not as good as you think...

Today we hit 3 months on the adoption list and thought, about a week ago, that life was just merrily going along our own way...

then, we got an e-mail that Annie wanted to talk about a matching. We went nuts! Someone was actually looking at us????? How exciting!

Questions immediately sprung up:

Kelly: How far along is she? Has she been taking prenatal vitamins? Is she having a boy or a girl? Where is she from? Is the baby ok?

Gary: Should we start buying Legos????

Then, the excitement died down. We found out that others have looked at us before this time and did not choose us. Reality slapped us in the face. Hmmm...I guess I never thought that we would be shopped to potential birthmoms and not know about it. I guess I should have figured that, but it is weird to think that major decisions (I am talking life changing decisions) could be in the works, behind closed doors, and we would have no knowledge of them.

This new development has opened our eyes to the fact that it is really going to happen for us, maybe not today or tomorrow or even before the New Year, but rather in God's time. I understand why it can't be in our time, but it still does not make it easy at this time of year.

So, Gary and I ask that you keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we wait, patiently, for the right birthmom to come along and say, "These are the people who need to love my child forever." And while you are praying for us, drop God a text, e-mail, IM, or whatever happens to be your preferred mode of communication these days, to help those birthmom's out there with adoption plans to make the right choice, whatever that may be...

Ponderings along the way,

Kelly

Our Adoption Story Update...

Today marks 2 months on the waiting list. I am still very much at peace with the wait, besides, we are very early into it (average wait time is 12-18 months). My students hope we get a call this year so they can celebrate (any reason for a party is a good one to them). Since our social worker, Annie, told us to start buying things now, at least the big stuff, that is what we are looking at for Christmas ideas...hint, hint, family members who read my ramblings. A friend suggested I register at Target. To me, that seems strange, since I am not pregnant, and we have not gotten an official call... yet, but I guess it could be smart. I will have to think on that one.

For now, we just ask for your prayers. We know God has a little one out there for us, I just hope and pray that it is sooner in his plans than later. All in God's time, I have to remember.

Kelly

A poem for headache sufferers like me

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall...
I hate headaches, one and all.

Sinus, tension, migraines, too,
They all leave me feeling blue.

Weekends should be headache free,
Time for God, family, and me.

If your medicine leaves you out of luck,
Do as I do, and find a Starbucks!

That is the only thing headaches do for me, they leave me inspired to write:)

Kelly

Fudgesicle Lemonhead

Last fall, I had the chance to sit in on a workshop with one of my favorite children's poets, Rebecca Kai Dotlich, in one of my all-time favorite cities, Manhattan. Rebecca talked about how she came up with some of her poems by randomly selecting words she really likes and putting them together. I love writing poetry and often find myself writing them in my head as I make the long morning commute to school.

As I am having my students generate lists of words they really like, to use as seed collections in their journals, I thought it would be fun to share two of my favorite words in the form of a Haiku. Enjoy!

Fudgesicle Lemonhead

Sugar rush, ears red

Tongue biting, sour pucker

Opposites attract

Kelly